I love a good list.
Everyone loves a good list.
This isn't a good list.
It's a mediocre list of socially awkward events that all happened to me recently in ascending order (arguable, depending on your stance on violence,bodily functions or nudity.) of socially unacceptable...ness.. I'm breaking it down into two installments because a fellow blogger said it was too long...
Enjoy!
1. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing.
I was sitting at the bus stop in a fairly remote area and feeling lonely so I decided to sing an extremely loud (and bad) version of "War" by Edwin Starr to cheer myself up, I was having a great time and had even incorporated a little upper body dance until a scared looking middle aged woman gingerly approached the bus shelter, I panicked and thought that seeing as she had clearly already heard me singing I would end on a high note and blast my final line... Unfortunately that thought process happened far too quickly in my head and my tongue didn't know what the fuck it was doing so I just ended up making a noise like a dying chicken. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpWmlRNfLck Don't click on this link unless you want the song in your head for the next week, which you SHOULD otherwise you are clearly a joyless fuck. Charlie Sophia Thomas Chandler I'm talking to you.
2. Nipplegate.
I got home from college in a haze of fatigue and paracetamol and immediately whipped off my bra (I was still wearing a top before you panic...) wiped of all my makeup and chucked my hair into a bun in preparation for an Imgur/Youtube marathon to unwind after a hard day of unfocused procrastination. (You heard me,unfocused procrastination. I'm so unmotivated and lazy that even my procrastination is a shambles, as you can see from this blog.) After half a video assorted family members bumble in and ask me to walk the Dogs so off I trot, wearing the biggest coat I can possibly find, my mum's three-sizes-too-big shin length black puffa coat with added huge furry hood (and instant street cred), I tend to look like i'm being eaten by a giant black slug wearing a false beard when I wear it but it is the warmest and softest thing possible to wrap your body in, sometimes when I'm alone in the house I wear it with nothing else and sit in luxury for a few glorious minutes. Anyway, so imagine if you will a make up less scruffy fucker poking out of this thing, I wander aimlessly around for a while until three boys that I haven't seen for a while come up to me, we start talking and sit down on some grass.Eventually I take off monster slug coat only for one of them to say, "Urm, Lara...are you wearing a bra?" "Uh,no,why?" "Well, I can see your nipples..." "Oh! god, urm, Sorry it's a bit cold!" "No, I mean I can see your nipples through your top... it's really see through..." Smooth. Or not as was the case...
TO BE CONTINUED....
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