I love a good list.
Everyone loves a good list.
This isn't a good list.
It's a mediocre list of socially awkward events that all happened to me recently in ascending order (arguable, depending on your stance on violence,bodily functions or nudity.) of socially unacceptable...ness.. I'm breaking it down into two installments because a fellow blogger said it was too long...
Enjoy!
1. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing.
I was sitting at the bus stop in a fairly remote area and feeling lonely so I decided to sing an extremely loud (and bad) version of "War" by Edwin Starr to cheer myself up, I was having a great time and had even incorporated a little upper body dance until a scared looking middle aged woman gingerly approached the bus shelter, I panicked and thought that seeing as she had clearly already heard me singing I would end on a high note and blast my final line... Unfortunately that thought process happened far too quickly in my head and my tongue didn't know what the fuck it was doing so I just ended up making a noise like a dying chicken. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpWmlRNfLck Don't click on this link unless you want the song in your head for the next week, which you SHOULD otherwise you are clearly a joyless fuck. Charlie Sophia Thomas Chandler I'm talking to you.
2. Nipplegate.
I got home from college in a haze of fatigue and paracetamol and immediately whipped off my bra (I was still wearing a top before you panic...) wiped of all my makeup and chucked my hair into a bun in preparation for an Imgur/Youtube marathon to unwind after a hard day of unfocused procrastination. (You heard me,unfocused procrastination. I'm so unmotivated and lazy that even my procrastination is a shambles, as you can see from this blog.) After half a video assorted family members bumble in and ask me to walk the Dogs so off I trot, wearing the biggest coat I can possibly find, my mum's three-sizes-too-big shin length black puffa coat with added huge furry hood (and instant street cred), I tend to look like i'm being eaten by a giant black slug wearing a false beard when I wear it but it is the warmest and softest thing possible to wrap your body in, sometimes when I'm alone in the house I wear it with nothing else and sit in luxury for a few glorious minutes. Anyway, so imagine if you will a make up less scruffy fucker poking out of this thing, I wander aimlessly around for a while until three boys that I haven't seen for a while come up to me, we start talking and sit down on some grass.Eventually I take off monster slug coat only for one of them to say, "Urm, Lara...are you wearing a bra?" "Uh,no,why?" "Well, I can see your nipples..." "Oh! god, urm, Sorry it's a bit cold!" "No, I mean I can see your nipples through your top... it's really see through..." Smooth. Or not as was the case...
TO BE CONTINUED....
Monday, 24 September 2012
Tuesday, 8 May 2012
Hunger Games
I finally saw the Hunger games last week! I know it's old news but I thought I would write about it anyway :D I loved the film, visually it was perfect, it was (mostly) exactly how I imagined it should look (The Arena and District 12 in particular) Katniss and Peeta were brilliant, so were all the other tributes (Cato and Rue <3) Effie, Haymitch, Cinna, Ceasar were all perfect, so I only had two real problems with it;
1.Cato is waaaayyyyy too hot to be taken seriously as a bad guy. I couldnt help wanting to be peeta when he was looking at him like he was a "meal"... Its just distracting, reign it in Ludwig.
2. What the fuck is that camo shit that peeta pulls out of the bag? And how the hell does icing a cake help him learn it? I know it was in the book, but it seemed way less bizarre, the leap from sprinkling hundreds and thousands on a few fairy cakes to completely transforming into a fricking log by painting your self with mud does not translate well on-screen.At all.
As you can tell, I'm clutching at straws here, because the film was surpisingly good and I really enjoyed it. Although some might complain that it wasn't that close to the book, I feel it's kind of hard (or rare at least) to make a film really close to the orginal book, but that doesn't have to mean the film is a travesty or even mediocre (Harry Potter anyone?), so calm it devout Hunger Gamers, it was good! Better than sex. Aparently. (I was bullied into writing that.)
One good thing about seeing it so late was that we were the only people in the cinema, there was literally six of us, which meant that we could sit and banter about like you normally do with your mates whilst watching a film, ( I know this will get me a lot of hate on the Film Nazi Watchers Committe...) if you find it hard to sit still and shut up during a film, go when its been out for a couple of months/weeks and off peak, its a load better than sitting in forced silence if you really can't shut your mouth for 2 and a half hours...Lord knows I can't, I need to siphon off my wit onto my grateful compadres at regular intervals or I start dying inside.
:D
1.Cato is waaaayyyyy too hot to be taken seriously as a bad guy. I couldnt help wanting to be peeta when he was looking at him like he was a "meal"... Its just distracting, reign it in Ludwig.
2. What the fuck is that camo shit that peeta pulls out of the bag? And how the hell does icing a cake help him learn it? I know it was in the book, but it seemed way less bizarre, the leap from sprinkling hundreds and thousands on a few fairy cakes to completely transforming into a fricking log by painting your self with mud does not translate well on-screen.At all.
As you can tell, I'm clutching at straws here, because the film was surpisingly good and I really enjoyed it. Although some might complain that it wasn't that close to the book, I feel it's kind of hard (or rare at least) to make a film really close to the orginal book, but that doesn't have to mean the film is a travesty or even mediocre (Harry Potter anyone?), so calm it devout Hunger Gamers, it was good! Better than sex. Aparently. (I was bullied into writing that.)
One good thing about seeing it so late was that we were the only people in the cinema, there was literally six of us, which meant that we could sit and banter about like you normally do with your mates whilst watching a film, ( I know this will get me a lot of hate on the Film Nazi Watchers Committe...) if you find it hard to sit still and shut up during a film, go when its been out for a couple of months/weeks and off peak, its a load better than sitting in forced silence if you really can't shut your mouth for 2 and a half hours...Lord knows I can't, I need to siphon off my wit onto my grateful compadres at regular intervals or I start dying inside.
:D
Wednesday, 2 May 2012
Peer pressure and back flab! D:
I'm only doing this because my best friend (Charlieteecee aka Nemo) started doing it. But seeing as I already have no life...
Last night my parents took me to see Rusell Howards Good News get recorded for a birthday prezzie, it was brilliant and I laughed myself silly but unfortunately it went on for 4. and. a. half. hours. I could have dealt with this, where it not for the fact that the gentleman in front of me had eaten all the pies in the southern hemisphere and his back fat was spilling over the back of his chair and engulfing my legs everytime he lent backwards and let out a belly laugh.Which was fairly regularly. He was genuinely resting his back breasts on my knees. He was also bald and greasy and kept nearly rubbing his oily-ass head in my face. Normally I would be more charitable but he was also whispering racist comments about the (briliant) norwegian comic who was on stage at the time, so I kicked the prick in the back until he lent the fuck forward.
I'm not normally this bitchy I promise!
That's a lie.
Before I start this blogging adventure there is something you need to know about me... I.. I have never seen The Lion King... I know. I know. I'm sorry! Sometimes I use it as an excuse for any bad behaviour, because clearly, my childhood was deprived.
I'm too scared to watch it now because what if it doesn't live up to my expectations? What if I hate it? Will I be ostracised from society? What if it emotionally scars me? I cry everytime I see a mummy deer and a baby deer for crying out loud (Thank you Bambi!) what will happen if I see a widdle Lion family?? I JUST CAN'T DO IT.
Anyway, yeah, blogging. I'm a normal little blogger. Not emotionally unstable.Nope.Nooooppee.
On the plus side if you stay tuned to my blog there is a good chance I might have an breakdown on screen, that could be fun?
Last night my parents took me to see Rusell Howards Good News get recorded for a birthday prezzie, it was brilliant and I laughed myself silly but unfortunately it went on for 4. and. a. half. hours. I could have dealt with this, where it not for the fact that the gentleman in front of me had eaten all the pies in the southern hemisphere and his back fat was spilling over the back of his chair and engulfing my legs everytime he lent backwards and let out a belly laugh.Which was fairly regularly. He was genuinely resting his back breasts on my knees. He was also bald and greasy and kept nearly rubbing his oily-ass head in my face. Normally I would be more charitable but he was also whispering racist comments about the (briliant) norwegian comic who was on stage at the time, so I kicked the prick in the back until he lent the fuck forward.
I'm not normally this bitchy I promise!
That's a lie.
Before I start this blogging adventure there is something you need to know about me... I.. I have never seen The Lion King... I know. I know. I'm sorry! Sometimes I use it as an excuse for any bad behaviour, because clearly, my childhood was deprived.
I'm too scared to watch it now because what if it doesn't live up to my expectations? What if I hate it? Will I be ostracised from society? What if it emotionally scars me? I cry everytime I see a mummy deer and a baby deer for crying out loud (Thank you Bambi!) what will happen if I see a widdle Lion family?? I JUST CAN'T DO IT.
Anyway, yeah, blogging. I'm a normal little blogger. Not emotionally unstable.Nope.Nooooppee.
On the plus side if you stay tuned to my blog there is a good chance I might have an breakdown on screen, that could be fun?
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